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Ruse

(copyright 2000, Kathleen Pilchowski)

forward flow makes me jealous of the past
my ways were so artless
your eyes so devestating
the tail of ice from my regard
evoking warm radiation from before time.

have I now become insipid?
does the taste of me bring you to boredom?
(when once I pressed you to tears)
I take my blue salted beauty 
and smear it across the universe-
"Blaze?" you say.  "that's cheap"

in a million years I only had months to aprroach my sun
to admire it, to love it
to shed my self in inspired attraction
people saw me and admired me for a moment
you- my sun- noticed me 
and rewarded my absolute terror with oblivion.

Now I limp away
like Galadrial I am diminished
like Esau I am rejected
my heart is a stone without substance
I still am whispering into the night
I am because you are.

11 April 2000
by Kathleen Pilchowski.